Two of my friends from Youth Group are getting married to each other in less than four hours, and I'm so very excited for them.
But at the same time, it also feels a little...weird.
I don't know. When I look at and hang out with my friends and family, I just kind of subconsciously assume that they'll stay the way they are for the rest of their lives. I know that's totally impossible and won't ever happen, but I think like that anyway. Maybe it's because I just don't like change.
This will be a big change. These two friends have been dating each other for over three years, so it makes sense that they'd get married eventually. Now it's happening, and if it feels surreal to me (whose only job in the wedding is to run the tech aspects) I can't even imagine how it must feel for the bride and groom.
Part of the issue - undoubtably - is that I don't like change, and even though I'm not extremely close to these two friends it's still going to be an adjustment. The other part is probably a little, nagging tinge of... longing.
I'd like to get married one day (no matter what I said when I was five), and when I go to weddings I always feel a little bit sad. I see other people with their dates and then the bride and groom together, and I wonder if I'll have the opportunity to be in that situation as well. Right now it doesn't seem like it'll ever happen. "Forever Alone" and all that. It makes me feel a bit jealous sometimes.
It drives me crazy that I think like that. I mean, really, it's not right to be envious of anyone, and it seems even worse right now because this is supposed to be a happy, celebratory day.
But I do think like that at least once at every wedding I've ever been to. I'm thinking about it right now, just two hours before I have to go for the final rehearsal. It's probably better to get it out of my system now rather than be self-pitying while I'm there. Even so, I wish I wasn't envious at all.
It's so annoying.
At the same time, though, I know that God's got a great plan for me. And if that involves getting married, then WOOT! And it if involves being single for the rest of my life, then WOOT! I know I'll be praying today that all I think about is how happy I am for my friends on their wedding day. Being envious is just so selfish and rude and won't help anyone in the long run.
Besides, I get to dress up and get free cake. What's not to love about that?
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to run an errand at the bank before I "get dolled up" (as my Grandma puts it). It'll be fun, and I'm looking forward to it.
Don't let me think of myself, God. It's not worth it.
- Edessa, signing off